


if i lose myself tonight//it'll be by your side

by PassionateKey



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Love Confessions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-05
Updated: 2015-01-05
Packaged: 2018-03-05 02:08:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3101234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PassionateKey/pseuds/PassionateKey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bellamy wakes up in some weird past alternate universe in the middle of New York city, were he finds himself inside an honest to god cafe with Clarke Griffin, clean and with no scars and he's a bit confused.</p>
            </blockquote>





	if i lose myself tonight//it'll be by your side

**Author's Note:**

> Excuse the errors, I try.

_When did you know you were in love with me?_

Bellamy groaned, opening his eyes, sharp sunlight hit him in the face causing him to groan louder and turn his face away. Lazily stretching, he buried himself deeper in the soft warm nest in which he laid. He let out a happy sigh at the softness of the sheets around him- _sheets_? Suddenly he froze, everything around him was soft and warm and he laid atop something that didn't feel like it was stuffed with grass, this wasn't his makeshift bed.

Quickly, Bellamy shot out of bed and felt his breath catch in his throat. He didn't recognize any of his surroundings. To start off he was laying in an honest to god real bed with an honest to god real mattress-sheets, blankets, and pillows. Second he was in a room with walls and furniture and books and electronics and clothes splayed across the floor. Lastly, Bellamy could swear that he heard the soft hum of engines and traffic coming from the _window_ to his right.

Bellamy looked around in amusement as he tried to control his breathing, but before he could think to far into it, a slim rectangular object on the table beside his bed let out a beep.

He picked it up as a smiling picture of his sister flashed across the screen. Octavia, he had forgotten about her, where was she? Was she safe? Did they get captured by the mountain men again? Was Bellamy actually dead and this was some sort of cosmic joke?

The rectangle in his hand was still beeping so Bellamy slid the grey bar across the screen. It lagged for a moment before his sister's face took up the whole screen.

"Hey big brother, hows the hangover treating you?"

Hangover? Bellamy looked down at his sister confused. Octavia appeared to be fine, she was smiling and had her hair down like she used to wear it before earth, back on the Ark, and he noticed how smooth her skin was, no noticeable scars. Behind her, he caught view of some sort of _building_?

"Earth to Bell, you okay?" Octavia waved a hand across the screen. "Are you still drunk?"

"I'm not drunk." Bellamy growled out. 

"Okay, wow, no need to get hostile."

Bellamy rolled his eyes, taking another look around the room.

"Anyways.. So, Clarke called me earlier to ask if we were still on for lunch and I told her yeah that.."

Bellamy's ear perked up at the name of his co-leader. Clarke. Bellamy had to find Clarke. She would know what was going on.

"Where?"

Octavia stopped talking, eyebrows raised.

"Where are we meeting for lunch?"

She gave Bellamy a confused look. "Where we always meet doofus, at the Square."

Bellamy nodded slowly. Why was his sister talking like it was normal for them to go out to lunch or even normal for Bellamy to wake up in rooms built with actual walls.

"Right, so we'll see you at three then?"

Bellamy nodded again, this time more sure of himself.

"Good," was all his sister said before the screen went black.

Bellamy sat in the bed for a couple more minutes before standing up and going straight for two sets of wooden doors. Sliding them open revealed a closet and he was hit with some sort of familiar feeling, like he done that before. On the back off one of the doors hung a mirror and Bellamy almost jumped at the reflection staring back at him.

He wasn't wearing a shirt, tan skin exposed, he noted that there were no scars. None whatsoever, not even the three running down his right shoulder where a mutated weretiger had clawed him apart on their expedition through the ruins of the Capitol. Clarke almost didn't forgive him for that one. Instead Bellamy had swirls of black ink adorning the top half of his arm, along with a small _C_ on the inside of his wrist. 

Quickly Bellamy changed, trying to avoid any further contact with the mirror on the door. Quietly he exited the room, staring stunned at the rest of the place he was in. It looked like an apartment, it was big and it held a small living room and kitchen like those he had seen in pictures in books back on the Ark. Bellamy could't believe what he was seeing, wondering how he got to the strange world before him. 

Sitting on one of the chairs in the small kitchen, he tried hard to think back to the last thing he remembered. Clarke and him walking the perimeter of the camp, talking, then immense pain and darkness. He shook his head, that didn't make sense. Mumbling to himself about how he better not be hallucinating on nuts again he stood and walked towards another door, grabbing a set of keys and a wallet, while shrugging on a leather jacket, stopping only when outside the door to think about how familiar that all felt.

 

Stepping foot outside his apartment had startled Bellamy, he'd only ever seen pictures and old footage of crowded city streets back on the Ark, but actually stepping foot in the middle of one was a completely different experience. The first thing he noted was the smell, it wasn't polluted like he'd read, but it was something else. He caught whiffs of different people perfumes, the remnants of rain, and every building he passed had a different smell of food radiating from it. The second thing he noticed was the noise. Being down on Earth for three years and living with a bunch of delinquents meant you never got to be alone, but living in the middle of a dense forest did guarantee you'd at least know silence. Silence seemed to be a foreign concept to the people around him. Their was the constant hum of cars whizzing by, every now and then a car horn would go off, everyone he passed was busy mouthing off to small rectangular pieces much like the one Octavia had called him on, and music-he heard honest to go music.

After his initial shock wore off, Bellamy began to worry about why everything felt so familiar and why he wasn't panicking more about the fact that he had woken up in some weird fucked up alternate universe eighty years in the past. He tried to concentrate on finding his sister and Clarke. It took him twenty minutes to find the whole in the wall cafe called the Square, mostly because Bellamy had no clue where he was going, though ten minutes into his wandering he found if he didn't concentrate on anything then his feet would get him to were he needed to be. 

When he walked in he was greeted with the smell of _coffee_? 

Coffee had been a luxury on the Ark, only the rich and powerful had access to it because of how expensive it was to get any. Wether Bellamy had every actually tasted it, he knew the smell. He remembered sneaking around the Ark as a child and wandering around the upperclass sectors, the smell of coffee wafering through the vents. It had made his mouth water then and now he couldn't help but feel the same.

He spotted his sister sitting in a booth towards the back of the small shop, she was smiling and wearing a soft grey sweatshirt, an expensive looking ring sitting on her left ring finger. Bellamy felt his stomach turn. Approaching carefully he noticed that a blonde head sat in front of her, he figured it was Clarke by the way it was neatly braided down her back. Bellamy always preferred it when she let it run free, the way it glistened in the sun.

"Bell!" Octavia jumped out of the booth as she saw him getting closer, wrapping her arms tightly around him. Bellamy had never heard his sister sound so happy.

"O," he stared down at her, feeling his heart pull, she never smiled like this back at camp. "Good to see you too."

Octavia chuckled, rolling her eyes at him, and pulling him in beside her.

Bellamy's breath caught in his throat at the sight of Clarke in front of him. She was clean. It was the first thing he noticed, she looked a lot like she had that first day they'd landed on Earth, pristine and well groomed without any of the dirt that always seemed to cling to them no matter how often they washed. There were no scars on her either, except for one very small one above her lip, which Bellamy remember she'd told him she'd gotten as a kid falling off her bed on the Ark. She smiled at him, which had his heart beating fast, much like O, it was rare to see Clarke smile at the camp. Which Bellamy thought was a fucking shame because Clarke Griffin had a smile to fall in love too. 

She cleared her throat, reminding Bellamy that it wasn't polite to stare, so he looked away observing the people around them. They all seemed calm and happy and he wondered when that all went to shit.

"Eaarth to Bell," Clarke chuckles in front of him, taking a sip from her cup. "You alright in there? Octavia mentioned how you were still drunk from last night."

Bellamy rolled his eyes, he was really starting to worry how he got there, and if everyone back at camp was doing alright. He fidgets under Clarke's stare. She's always had the ability to do that to him, make him feel more aware of himself, the way she watches with such a microscopic eye, noticing all the little things.

"Somethings wrong isn't it?"

Bellamy sighs, letting out a small laugh. Even in this weird world she can read him like an open book.

Octavia looks over at him concerned. "You're not getting cold feet on me are you? Cause you're not allowed to get cold feet Bell, you promised you'd walk me down the aisle. I don't care how drunk you were, a promise is a promise."

Bellamy's eyebrows shot up. So that was an engagement ring on her finger. He tries to bite back the panic rising in him. His little sister getting married? That's not something he really wants to think of. Back in his world he's barely getting used to seeing her with Lincoln, he hopes marriage is very far off the table at the moment.

He shakes his head, no need in interrupting whatever's going on in this world, and see's Octavia relax. "Good, because Lincoln would be devastated, you guys have been getting along so well."

Bellamy freezes again, _Lincoln_. Maybe he wasn't stuck in some weird past universe, maybe this was some weird future universe where they colonize the earth insanely fast and get to have coffee at actual coffee shops. He shakes his head, because that sounds even more ridiculous. Clarke watches him with a worried look, so Bellamy shots her a small smile.

Octavia's purse begins to vibrate and off she goes digging out a small rectangular thing and and sticking it to her ear before she claims she has some wedding stuff to attend to and bounces outside. Bellamy is left with a very intrigued Clarke who isn't even trying to hide the fact that she's studying his face.

"Like what you see princess?" He can't help but use a flirty tone with her, after all he still is Bellamy Blake and she still is Clarke Griffin.

Clarke snorts at the nickname, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear. "You wish," she kicks softly under the table. "So you gonna tell me what's really going on?"

Bellamy's throat goes dry at the concerned look in her eyes. He wonders how crazy he would sound if he told her that he woke up to some outdated world that they'd only known through pictures and books and the life they actually led was surviving in the ruins of where they currently sat.

Instead he shakes his head. "Nothing's wrong."

Clarke lets out a defeated breath. "I thought we agreed no secrets Blake? Wasn't that what your whole spew last night all about. How we needed to trust each other and not keep anything from each other, how real couples expressed their feelings and all that shit."

Bellamy tries to hide the surprise at the information coming out of Clarke's mouth. They were a couple? Him and her. Bellamy and Clarke. They were together? Maybe Bellamy's weird dream wasn't so bad after all.

She looks at him again, this time with a hint of fear in her eyes. "Do you already regret us getting together Blake?" She says it in a joking tone, but Bellamy can hear the hurt behind the words.

He reaches across the table and holds her hand in his, he notices how these fingers have no calluses from man made weapons. "How could I ever regret you?"

The smile she gives him makes his heartache, he blinks back the tears. He wishes his Clarke could be this happy.

"So, what's wrong?" Clarke repeats, this time more confidently.

Bellamy takes back his hand and rubs it across his face. "If I told you, you wouldn't believe me."

Clarke grins at him, a challenge in her eyes. "Try me."

 

Clarke hums as Bellamy finishs up his story, she hadn't said much as he had explained to her how he'd woken up in this alternate universe, except once to ask if he was sure he wasn't still drunk, and now she looks at him with what Bellamy isn't sure if it's confusion or laughter.

"So, you're telling me that you come from a world were we were sent down to the leftover world of a nuclear cataclysm and we're both leaders of a group of delinquents and you're in love with me, you're positive you're not drunk, or high?"

Bellamy nods his head reluctantly, he probably should have kept his mouth shut.

Clarke considers his words for a while longer before speaking up. "What am I like in this world?"

Bellamy grins, "You're wild and naturing and brilliant and beautiful." 

Clarke rolls her eyes. "You already think I'm all those things now Bell."

He feels a blush creep up his neck. "Yeah, but you're also a secret badass who wields a knife like no other and has saved my ass more times then I can count."

Her eyebrows shut up at the comment and she smirks to herself. "When did you know you were in love with me?" she says in a quiet voice. "In this other universe of yours."

Bellamy looks away from the vulnerability in her eyes, vividly remembering the last conversation he and Clarke had back in his world.

 

_They were walking the perimeter like they'd done hundreds of other times. It was around midnight and neither one was actually on watch that night, but they couldn't sleep and at that point no one questioned the silent walks they took at random hours of the night. Bellamy had been struggling with inner turmoil since admitting to himself that he definitely thought of Clarke as something more then just a co-leader, when she'd abruptly stopped walking in front of him._

_"Unf." They'd gone down in a heap, all limbs and elbows, Clarke's hair in his mouth._ _Definitely not one of his finer moments.  
_

_"What the hell Griffin?" Bellamy had groaned, rolling off of her._

_Clarke had just laughed, throwing her head back, and Bellamy had had to tear his eyes away from the smooth skin that lead down her neck._

_"Sorry, I just saw a shooting star and was trying to make a wish."_

_Bellamy looked p at the sky, smiling at the specks of light that shone down at them._

_"What'd you wish for?" He'd practically whispered._

_Clarke looked over at him when she thought he wasn't looking, Bellamy had caught her doing it before, but never mentioned it. "If I tell you then it won't come true."_

_Bellamy turned and smiled at her. She'd sounded so young, he wished he could giver her everything she'd ever wished for._

_They sat on the ground, gazing up at the stars for what seemed like hours until Clarke became restless and stood up, holding out a hand to help Bellamy up. He took it, standing before her, almost a whole foot taller, he began to laugh. Clarke had leafs and twigs sticking out of her hair. Flicking him off, she stomped off pulling them out harshly._

_"Wait up princess."_

_When he'd finally reached her, she had stopped again, looking out into camp, eyes scanning the dropship. She was biting at her lip when she looked up at him, her eyes looked tired but yet he saw a spark of hope. "When did you know," she whispered. "When did you know you were in love with me?"_

_Bellamy took a step back, feeling his breath come in short puffs as his heart sped up. She knew._

_"Who told you?" he winced at the way his voice cracked at the last word._

_Clarke shrugged. "No one." She was biting her lip again. "I just woke up one morning and knew."_

_Bellamy nodded, clearing his throat, he tried not to fidget under her gaze._

_"Does it bother you?" He tried not to give away how afraid he was of her answer._

_Clarke gave him one of her smiles, the ones she usually kept for the people she really cared about like him, Octavia, Raven, Jasper and Monty, and sometimes even Finn._

_"I'm kind of relieved actually," he looked at her confused. "It's nice to know someone returns the love you have for them."_

_He stopped breathing for a whole second as he thought hard on her words. Clarke Griffin knew he was in love with her and she loved him back._

  _"It was that first week we arrived on Earth, we were in that bunker, I'd just taught you how to shot a gun, and the look of excitement you'd given me," he stops smiling at the memory. "I didn't know I was in love with you but I knew, I knew that was it, I was a goner." Clarke nodded, watching the way Bellamy's eyes light up with admiration  for her. "Then Murphy hit us with that virus from the grounders and I walked in and you were on the ground weak and bleeding, I realized I couldn't lose you. I didn't sleep well again until you told me you were feeling better." He looked up at the sky, willing himself to go on. "And then for a moment, I did lose you. I lost you and I lost myself and I didn't think I'd ever find you again and somehow you made it back and when you hugged me that day in Arktown. God Clarke, I never wanted to let you go again."_

_"But you did," Clarke gives him a sad smile. "You let me go back to Finn."_

_Bellamy shrugged. "I wasn't gonna push what I was feeling on you. If you loved Finn then I was gonna respect that."_

_"My knight in shinning armor." Clarke laughed._

_"But you didn't love Finn, did you?" This time it's Bellamy who's whispering._

_Clarke closed her eyes. "I don't know. Maybe, who knows? We were kids, he was the first boy who seemed to see me more then as the princess of the Ark, but things changed."_

_"When?"_

_"When I came back," she opened her eyes,_ _looking straight at him, or was it through him? "I came back and you were alive and I just, I don't know, things were different after that. I went back to Finn, but not really."_

_They stood in silence for a while, gazing back up at the stars._

_"You still didn't answer my question."_

_"Mm?" He looked down at her, she's still looking up._

_"When did you know you were in love with me?'_

 

"We went on this scavenging mission to the Capitol of the Old World," Clarke gives him a confused look. "Washington D.C." She nods, urging him to continue. "Anyways, we went on this trip and this mutated weretiger jumps out of nowhere and is out for your blood so without thinking about it I push you out of the way. It catches my right shoulder and you empty a whole clip of bullets into that thing. So there you are sobbing above me, yelling at me about how I better not die, barking out orders at everyone to get a fire going and to boil water and to pass you bandages, and I look up, and the way the setting sun is hitting you makes your hair look like this fucking halo. And it hits me, laying there bleeding out, it hits me and I start smiling like a fucking idiot cause I am in love with Clarke Griffin." Clarke blushes in front of him. "Of course you don't get it cause you're to busy patching me up and you start to freak thinking I'm going into some sort of trance or something and you start asking me all these questions to keep me awake and long story short you don't talk to me for three whole days when we make it back to camp."

Clarke smiled at him sheepishly. "You can't almost die on me and expect me to be okay with it."

Bellamy lets out a laugh, remembering what his Clarke had said when he'd told her that.

 

_"I should have stopped talking to you for a whole year for making me go through that!" Clarke tried to keep her voice down as Bellamy_ _continued laughing. "You should have seen your face Bell. There I was trying to stop the bleeding and I look up and you have the dumbest grin I've ever see on your face, I thought for sure you were dying!"_

_She has her hands on her hips and is giving him pointed looks, but it only makes Bellamy want to laugh harder. He slowly stops, breath coming in ragged breaths._

_"I'm sorry." He finally gets out._

_"No you're not." Clarke sticks her_ _tongue out at him._

_He smiles at her. "When did you know?" His voice goes serious. "When did you know you loved me?"_

_Clarke shrugs, fumbling with her hair. "We went on this stupid trek through the Capitol and a weretiger almost ripped your arm off and I emptied a whole clip of bullets into it's body cause all I saw was red and then I didn't talk to you for three days cause I was shocked by the realization that I was in love with a moron who jumps in front of freaky mutated animals for me."_

 

"So, let's say this universe of your exists," Clarke's voice is serious. "Why'd you end up here?"

Bellamy shrugs, spending time there retelling Clarke their story had honestly distracted from the problem at hand.

"Well, what's the last thing you remember?"

Bellamy closed his eyes, leaning back into the booth. "We were on one of our night time walks, and you'd just told me when you knew you were in love with me, and I felt this sharp pain and everything went black. Then I woke up in a fucking mattress in an apartment building in the middle of fucking New York."

Clarke kicked him again. "You sure you're not-"

An ear splitting alarm went off outside the cafe and suddenly everyone stilled. Bellamy's eyes shot open, he reach forward grabbing Clarke's hand. In the blink of an eye, everything around him erupted into chaos as people dropped all they were doing and headed for the door. Clarke jumped out of the booth, pulling Bellamy with her.

"What's going on?" He yelled into her ear. 

Clarke turned to look, holding tightly onto his had. "There the bomb alarms, it seems we've officially gone into war. Everyone is to get to their designated bomb shelters."

Bellamy's eyes went wide, Octavia. 

As if reading his mind, Clarke squeezed his hand. "Don't worry Bell, our shelters only a few blocks from here, Octavia and Lincoln will meet us there."

"Clarke!" He yelled again, as they pushed past people. "Clarke, what day is it?"

"June 15, 2030!" She yelled back.

Bellamy's whole body stilled, losing a grip on Clarke's arm. June 15, 2030, the official start of the nuclear war that had sent them into space in the first place. Bellamy swallowed hard, remembering what he'd read in his old Earth Skills book about the start of the war, how conflict had risen between the U.N. and some country trying to take it apart. He racked his brain trying to think, what was the first city affected, what was- _New York_. The very city he now stood in the middle off, New York had been hit first, followed shortly by D.C. and Los Angeles, then Toronto, Mexico City, Moscow, and London. It'd all gotten out of hand so quickly.

"Bellamy!"

He saw Clarke's blonde head before the rest of her, she was almost a whole block in front of her, looking around for him frantically. 

"Clarke!" He called after her, pushing his way through the masses of people, before pushing himself right in front of her.

"I'm right here princess." He whispered into her ear, pressing his lips to her temple. 

"We're not gonna make it." She sobbed into his chest.

Bellamy pulled back, grabbing her chin to meet his eyes. "Don't say that Clarke, we're gonna make it, we always do."

Clarke nodded, sniffling more tears, they began walking again. Three blocks later and the waves of people diminished, now it was just a few stragglers hurrying to get to their bunkers like they were. Every now and then Bellamy would squeeze Clarke's hand and she'd give hime a weak smile. They were gonna make it, they had too.

They reached their fifth and final block when they felt the trembling. A dreadful, cold feeling hit Bellamy, the first bomb had fallen. They began running when the first gust hit them. Tumbling to the ground Clarke began to cough from all the debris. They weren't gonna make it. The heat followed next, Bellamy reached for Clarke, bring her into his chest, she was crying, and Bellamy couldn't tell if it was sweat or if he was crying too.

"I love you Clarke." he whispered into her hair before it all went white.

 

There was rustling to his left and he could feel something bandaged tightly around his right shoulder. He groaned at the weight of something pressing into his legs, before blinking his eyes open. He's met with a face full of sunlight and Bellamy stills, straining and listening for the sound of cars and music. He whimpers when all he hears is the sound of birds chirping. He groans again, and tries to sit up, moving his face out of the sunlight. His breath catches when he recognizes the metallic interior, he's back in the dropship!

The weight at his legs stirs and suddenly theirs a blonde halo in front of him.

"Bellamy!" Clarke launches herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck.

He lets out a hiss of pain, as it shots through his shoulder. Clarke pulls back instantly and he wants to reach for her and bring her back to his body.

"Hey princess," he smiles at her, his voice hoarse. 

"Jerk," she breaths out, biting her lip to keep it from shaking. "Don't ever do that again."

"I wouldn't dream of it." He smiles out at her, pulling her back towards him. She lets him, snuggling up to his left side.

"You'll never guess what crazy ass dream I had while I was out."

She hums against his chest, tracing a small _C_ inside his right wrist.

"Hey Clarke," Bellamy's grip tightens on her waist, as he remembers his alternate universe.

She hums again, he can feel the wetness seeping through his shirt from her tears.

"I love you."

She sniffles, laughing.

"I love you too moron."

**Author's Note:**

> Just a couple of things;
> 
> 1\. I don't know where this idea came from, it just kinda hit me and I was like, oh that'd be cool I guess, let me try and fuck it up. 
> 
> 2\. As a side note, they've been on Earth bout 3 years, and although I didn't specifically mention it, the delinquents do live separate from the rest of the Ark cause I like that head cannon, also, Finn lived.
> 
> 3\. Seriously, am super surprised there aren't more fics where Bellamy is full of tattoos and wearing leather jackets, cause hot damn, that would be a sight.
> 
> 4\. Obviously I took some liberties with the timeline since I don't actually know what year it was when the war happened.
> 
> 5\. I also took some liberties with the start of the war and made it super vague for a reason of it being not important.
> 
> 6\. In case it wasn't apparent, I actually have no idea how it would feel to be in a city that was hit by a nuclear weapon, so excuse the fact that what I describe when the first bomb hits is totally made up.
> 
> 7\. Figuring out the tags for this was super difficult, so I went with some simple ones.
> 
> Hope you guys enjoyed it!


End file.
